Heavy hung the albatross.
Finally, I did it.
Without browsing through our Facebook thread like I used to do, I deleted our whole thread. Without browsing through his profile, and despite the curiosity/temptation to see what his two new posts were, I unfriended him, then blocked him for good measure.
After that, I posted my one last post secretly directed to him, while listening to Alesana's "Apology"--one of my songs for him--on loop.
The previous night, I cried over the song in a van on my way home. The night I started to burn some bridges--the night I "unfriended" him, I felt like crying again, I wanted to cry again, but no tears came.
Instead, a kind of heavy load had escaped me.
The albatross had finally dropped off me.
Do I still want him, love him? Yes, and as long I could. Do I still wait for him? I don't know if I should. Would it be worth it if I do?
I still think of him, every moment, every day. Even though I try my hardest not to speak of him or ask about him, I still take note of the "updates" some of his closest friends give me. I still sleep in the hope of meeting him in my dreams. I still hope that one day, he would realize he actually wants to move on from an old heartbreak of his and remember me... and be back in my life.
But at least, I could better bear it now, now that the albatross had fallen off and plunged deep into the sea. Though it does not necessarily mean that the albatross is dead. And even if it is, it might just swim back up onto the surface and fly back to me. Like a memory. His memory. Or what I have left of it.
Without browsing through our Facebook thread like I used to do, I deleted our whole thread. Without browsing through his profile, and despite the curiosity/temptation to see what his two new posts were, I unfriended him, then blocked him for good measure.
After that, I posted my one last post secretly directed to him, while listening to Alesana's "Apology"--one of my songs for him--on loop.
The previous night, I cried over the song in a van on my way home. The night I started to burn some bridges--the night I "unfriended" him, I felt like crying again, I wanted to cry again, but no tears came.
Instead, a kind of heavy load had escaped me.
His arms
like albatross wings
hung around my neck.
The albatross had finally dropped off me.
Do I still want him, love him? Yes, and as long I could. Do I still wait for him? I don't know if I should. Would it be worth it if I do?
I still think of him, every moment, every day. Even though I try my hardest not to speak of him or ask about him, I still take note of the "updates" some of his closest friends give me. I still sleep in the hope of meeting him in my dreams. I still hope that one day, he would realize he actually wants to move on from an old heartbreak of his and remember me... and be back in my life.
But at least, I could better bear it now, now that the albatross had fallen off and plunged deep into the sea. Though it does not necessarily mean that the albatross is dead. And even if it is, it might just swim back up onto the surface and fly back to me. Like a memory. His memory. Or what I have left of it.
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